80 and in love

By her 80s, my grandmother Ulla Sonntag had many life experiences; some good and some terrible. But she was still ready for love and change. It seems one of Ulla’s first loves was Hans (known as Hietze) Friedensohn, who she dated as a teenager and living in Berlin with her parents. It was early in the 1930s, and many Jewish people were leaving Germany for safer places with more opportunities. Although Ulla and Hans wanted to marry, her father, Heinrich, would not allow it. He didn’t approve of Israel as a place for his daughter where Hans either was already living or planned to move there.

In 1934, Ulla married Erich Sonntag and they raised two daughters. Unfortunately, Erich died at a relatively young age (61 years old) in 1967. Grandma in 1970 married another boyfriend from her teenage years; this marriage was not happy and ended in 1979.

As far as I know Grandma didn’t date anyone else until one day Hans Friedensohn came to visit in 1995. I don’t believe there had been too much correspondence before he arrived — perhaps there was.  Very quickly, though, they were clearly together. 

Hans had moved to Israel, married, had children and lived his life there. However, his wife had died and he thought of Ulla. He stayed at my grandmother’s house for two months in Arroyo Grande, California. As Grandma wrote in a journal (January 27, 1996), 

“Since Hietze came on the day before Thanksgiving, all has gone beautifully. Everybody has accepted us the way we are, a pair of lovers, and that’s just how we feel. I have taken him to Los Osos Montana del Oro, to Lopez Lake, to Morro Bay, to Shell Beach overlook with the benches and the pier in Pismo. He is delighted with all of these lovely places. I am very glad that he likes it here. ….

We are comfortable being together without talking, which is a great relief to me. I am so used to having a quiet life.”

Well, Grandma’s quiet life was changing. On February 29, 1996 she and Hans traveled to Israel. The general plan was that they would live 6 months in Pardess Hanna, Israel, and then come back to Arroyo Grande, California, for 6 months.

From Grandma’s journal it’s clear that she found living in Israel challenging, and, yet, where she wanted to be. She mentions frequently the lack of air conditioning, the dinosaur washing machine in the shed, and not being able to speak Hebrew (and being left out of conversations). However, her love for Hietze is also clear. They enjoyed visits with friends, swimming in a local pool, and trips around the country. They enjoyed being together. 

One journal entry (March 16,1997), after Ulla was back in Israel after several months in California, about Hans stands out. Ulla writes, 

“Valentine’s Day is unknown in Israel. I had to explain to Hans and others what a business in cards, chocolates, and flowers means in the USA. In the afternoon Hans brought me a beautiful, large bouquet that lasted very nicely and sat on our table for more than a week. When it was finished, he brought me a very lovely bunch of flowers, and when I asked what was this for, he said “Great-grandmother Day”. He has since invented a “Flower Lovers Day” for the next bouquet; he is just a darling.”

In May 1997 Hans had a stroke. Eventually Ulla returned to California without Hans. They stayed in touch long-distance until he died. 

Love can find you at 81 and 85, as it found Ulla and Hans.

Sources: 1) Journal and the 2) Letters to Family and Friends, written by Ulla Sonntag, 1996 – 1997, archived with family papers, Urbana Illinois.